Dating after loss: Navigating a new crush while processing grief

Moving forward is complicated

Losing a partner is a heavy, life-altering experience, and when it happens right as you’re starting a family, the weight is even more intense. A reader recently wrote into Annalisa Barbieri’s advice column, sharing that their long-term partner passed away from cancer last year, leaving them to navigate solo parenthood for their now two-year-old son. It’s been a heartbreaking journey, especially since they had planned to spend their entire lives together.

Now, the reader finds themselves in a tricky spot. They have a crush on a former colleague who is also a single parent and has faced his own health battles. The reader feels a connection, noting that he is kind, but they also have some major reservations because he "blows hot and cold" and life as a single mom is already incredibly demanding.

Trusting your own intuition

Annalisa Barbieri reached out to UKCP-registered psychotherapist Stephanie White for some expert perspective. The big takeaway? It’s not just about the timeline—it’s about trusting yourself.

White noted that the reader seems to be looking for external validation, perhaps because they’ve spent almost their entire adult life in a partnership and are now dealing with a "cut" narrative thread. There’s also a warning about "trauma bonding." Sometimes, when we meet someone else who has dealt with tragedy, we might unconsciously try to skip over the messy, necessary stages of grief by finding a "facsimile" of what we lost.

Real talk: A year after such a huge loss is really not that long. You’re still processing the fact that the future you planned isn't the one you're living.

Why it matters

While you definitely deserve to find joy and connection again, don't feel like you have to rush into a new "caring role" or ignore your intuition just because you're lonely. The advice here is to lean on your support network, maybe check out groups like Widowed and Young, and prioritize yourself and your son. You don’t have to have all the answers right now, and it’s okay to take it slow. You really do have main character energy, so make sure you’re writing the next chapter on your own terms.