Let’s keep it real: most of us treat the topic of death like a total vibe kill. Whether it’s dodging the conversation at brunch or feeling that internal spike of anxiety when the subject comes up, we’re collectively pretty ‘grief-phobic.’ But according to the experts, avoiding the inevitable isn't just awkward—it’s keeping us from living our main character energy to the fullest.

Why are we so scared?

Dr. Lucy Hone, a resilience researcher who wrote How Will I Get Ever Through This?, notes that we live in a society that is “grief-illiterate.” It’s not just you; it’s a cultural issue.

Dr. Todd May, a philosophy instructor, points out that our Western mindset is obsessed with the future. We view life as a series of projects and goals, so the idea of a ‘final’ stop creates major cognitive dissonance. Meanwhile, death doula Alua Arthur adds that because we like to think we’re infallible, death is a reality check on our lack of control that honestly just hits different.

There’s also the ‘out of sight, out of mind’ factor. Back in the day, people cared for their loved ones at home until the very end. Now? Most of us pass away in hospitals or care homes, meaning death has become abstract and distant.

How to stop spiraling

If you’re feeling the fear, that’s valid. It’s part of our survival instinct, after all. But experts say we can shift from pure terror to a place of tolerance. Here’s the game plan:

  • Do the paperwork: Seriously, it’s not just for the boomers. Getting your will or an advance directive sorted helps you (and your friends) avoid a total crisis later.
  • The 'Deathbed Test': Dr. Luyi Kathy Zhang, a hospice doctor, suggests asking yourself: Will this traffic jam or awkward interaction actually matter at the end of my life? It’s a major perspective shift that keeps the small stuff from living rent-free in your head.
  • Reflect intentionally: Spend five minutes thinking about someone you’ve lost. What did they teach you? How can you channel that into your current life?

Why it matters

Accepting that life is finite isn't about being a downer—it’s about being intentional. When you realize time is limited, you stop sweating the small stuff and start prioritizing the people and projects that actually slap. It’s about choosing to show up for your own life instead of just waiting for the future to happen.