Is going no contact actually the move?

Real talk: cutting a family member out of your life isn't a casual decision. In the UK, one in five families deal with permanent estrangement, but experts say you need to be intentional about it. It’s giving “last resort,” not “impulsive reaction.” Before you block everyone, take a sec to think about whether you’re avoiding genuine grief or conflict. Clinical psychologist Joshua Coleman notes that distance doesn't always magically fix your internal pain.

Are your expectations actually realistic?

We all want that main character moment where our parents finally apologize and become the supportive, emotionally attuned figures we lowkey need. But sometimes, you have to accept that the person you want them to be isn't who they are actually capable of being. It’s a painful realization, but sometimes the healthiest path is grieving the relationship you wanted while figuring out what level of contact is actually sustainable.

The ripple effect

Cutting ties with one person doesn't happen in a vacuum. It often means losing touch with other family members, like siblings-in-law or even nieces and nephews. Author Fern Schumer Chapman shares that losing her brother meant a whole branch of her family tree felt like it was chopped off. You also have to consider "ambiguous loss"—the reality that you won't know if your relative gets sick or passes away. It's heavy, no cap.

How to handle the process

  • Check your "therapy speak": Be careful with labels like "narcissist" or "toxic" you might pick up on social media. They can be useful, but they sometimes encourage premature certainty over real complexity.
  • Get a professional involved: A therapist can help you spot your own blind spots. If you're trying to repair things, having a pro who can tell you when to pause is a massive W.
  • Find your tribe: Don't do this solo. The isolation can be rough, so lean on friends or communities that actually get it.

Why it matters

Understanding family dynamics is complex, but making the choice to go no contact should be yours alone—not influenced by pressure from friends or the internet. While context like a parent's own trauma or financial stress explains why they act the way they do, it doesn't excuse harmful behavior. Whether you reconcile eventually—like Chapman did after a year of intentional work—or stay estranged, the goal is finding a path that leaves you feeling secure and healthy.