The gap in care
When Rosanna Brown, a mom from near Waterlooville, Hampshire, was told in 2023 that her son William had a life-threatening condition called Chaos syndrome, she was faced with the most difficult decision a parent could make. Doctors advised that continuing the pregnancy would be fatal for both of them, leading her to opt for a termination for medical reasons (TFMR). But after the procedure, Rosanna found that the support she needed just wasn't there. Real talk: the system often feels like it's ghosting parents who go through this.
Why words matter
One of the biggest hurdles Rosanna faced was the language used by medical staff. On her official forms, her son’s death was labeled a "late miscarriage." For Rosanna, this felt wrong. "I made a choice here, I didn't naturally lose my baby," she explained. By not using the term TFMR, she says the system inadvertently "silences you further."
Jane Fisher, chief executive of the ARC charity, agrees that using the correct terminology is vital. It helps parents process the reality of their situation and is a crucial step in breaking the taboo surrounding this specific type of loss.
Living in the silence
About 5,000 women a year in the UK are offered a TFMR, a number that is actually higher than those experiencing stillbirth or neonatal death. Because it falls under the umbrella of abortion, parents are often tossed into the middle of intense political debates, making them feel like their grief is less valid.
It’s giving complex, lonely energy, and many parents feel they have to lie and say they had a miscarriage just to avoid the stigma. Rosanna emphasizes that for many, "termination is the most loving thing they could offer."
Moving forward
Ahead of Baby Loss Awareness Month, Rosanna has authored a book titled The Silence Of TFMR to help others navigating this path. She’s also embracing her role as William’s parent, even after his passing, noting that she has no problem being defined by this experience. While an NHS spokesperson said they offer comprehensive support and mental health services, campaigners are clear: there is still a major need for more compassion, better training, and a serious shift in how this loss is recognized.
Why it matters
Breaking the taboo around TFMR is about validating the grief of thousands of parents every year. When the medical system ignores the reality of a "chosen" loss, it prevents parents from grieving in a healthy way. Using the right language is the bare minimum for showing these families the respect and support they deserve.
