Relationships: Feeling lonely in your marriage when your partner works too much

The situation

Real talk: being in a relationship with a workaholic is a total vibe killer. One reader recently opened up about their husband’s 20-year history of grinding around the clock. While they knew he had a strong work ethic when they met, the late nights and weekend "emergencies" are now hitting hard, especially since the reader is also managing a demanding career and the household. The worst part? When they try to talk about how this affects the family and their daughter, the husband just shuts it down, essentially saying, 'deal with it.' It’s giving major control issues, and the resentment is building up fast.

The reality check

It’s natural to wonder if life would be easier if it were just you and your daughter. But before you call it quits, it’s worth digging deeper. Is his work actually essential—like he’s a doctor saving lives—or is he using it to avoid something else? Or, in a plot twist nobody wants, could he be hiding something?

Psychotherapist Chris Mills suggests that this intense work behavior could be his way of trying to provide stability, but it could also be a form of avoidance. The biggest red flag here isn’t just the hours; it’s that he refuses to listen to your concerns. A partnership requires two-way respect, not just you accepting his status quo.

What you can actually do

• Check your feelings: Ask yourself honestly: do you still love and like him? If the answer is no, staying out of a sense of 'moral duty' isn't actually helping anyone.
• Change the convo: If you still love him, try couples therapy. Sometimes our complaints come across as attacks, which just makes the other person get defensive. A pro can help you navigate those conversations without it turning into a fight.
• Stop the 'moral' spiral: You don't have to treat your marriage vows like shackles if the relationship is fundamentally broken. It’s okay to acknowledge that things aren't working.

Why it matters

Staying in a relationship where you feel unheard and lonely just because of a past commitment isn't noble. If your partner refuses to respect your feelings or communicate, you're already doing the work of being single—you just don't have the peace that comes with it. Prioritize your mental health, say less, and decide if this situation is one you can actually fix together or if it's time to move on.